Some things that make me a Crabby Jerkface – in no particular order.

Being a Sox fan. Especially after events like Game 7.

Yankee fans. Obnoxious asses who don’t realize how good they have it.

Grumpy tollbooth collectors. Is it so hard to say thank you?

IBS. But happily, one salad a day seems to keep the runs away.

Body odor. If you have access to one, is it so hard to shower? At least every other day?

People who push you out of the way to get on the train. Oh, I’m sorry, you’re more important than me, go right ahead, push me out of the way. I don’t mind. Really. Classic line: “I need to get on this train.” Oh, and I don’t?

People who don’t wash their hands after going to the bathroom. You just wiped yourself, and now you’re going to open the door with those same hands? Friggin gross. I shouldn’t have to use paper towels to open the door.

People who flash their lights to try and get you out of the passing lane. Listen people, I’ll gladly move over if 80 MPH isn’t fast enough for you, but to be obnoxious and flash your lights because you’re apparently better than me? Sorry. You can go around me.

Traffic jams. I have a lot I could complain about on this topic (who doesn't?) but I’ll just say this: People, the one or two car length I leave ahead of me in a traffic jam is for ME. Not for you to sneak in and cause the lane to be slower. No, it’s so I don’t smash into the person in front of me when they brake for no reason.

People who actually SIT on you on the train. Okay, I have a larger ass than normal, so if I know I can’t fit, I stand. Please try that next time, people. This happened to me again just last week. And then yesterday I saw a poor old lady with a cane who was sat on by some bitchy woman who apparently decided to ignore the fact that there was no way she was going to fit and decided it was alright to squish and sit on the lady, causing her to bend at a ridiculous angle trying to get away from this person. Only after she made a painful grunt, did the bitchy woman realize the error of her ways. But did she correct it? No, she made a half-hearted attempt to move a little, causing me to think about giving up my seat to the lady before I, too, was squished by some donkey ass. Yeah, people suck alright.

That’s all I have for now, kids.